Marathon des Sables is no doubt an iconic and epic race. I first took part in 2012. At this time I was a mid-packer with a way too heavy backpack. I was a tourist taking photos of the camels, and having the best holiday of my life. When I returned to Marathon des Sables in 2015 I had more experience, I was faster, my pack was lighter, and to my great surprise I won all stages and the race. This was my springboard to a career in ultra running. I returned in 2016 and had a tough time, and again in 2017 to win a second time. I haven’t been back since, for a variety of reasons, but now I feel it is time to return.
People may make assumptions about my return and I want to preempt any speculation or false information by being upfront with my intentions.
I have not raced competitively since 2019 and I have no intention of doing so in 2024 either. So why will I then return to the MDS? Let me come back to that, but first for context, I want to give you some background.
My road to the Marathon des Sables
Some people know my back story and some don’t. Let me begin by briefly telling you how I stumbled on the Marathon des Sables in the first place.
It all started one busy day in London in February 2010. I had a successful career as a management consultant and was focused on climbing the corporate ladder. I was immersed in the “up or out” culture and had accepted way too long working hours as the norm. From the narrow perspective it all made sense and seemed meaningful. I had interesting and challenging work, and great colleagues, and hadn’t really had reason to reflect on other options.
That was until one afternoon when I received a phone call to say that my father, who was only 68, had suddenly passed away.
Everything stopped at this moment. I still remember the events clearly.
It was a wake-up call, and it was added to by the fact my mother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer’s only a few years earlier, at the age of 64. I realised how fragile life is. I thought a lot about the meaning of life, and how everything can disappear in an instant. I was confronted with difficult thoughts, and I asked myself one important question: “If I were to die tomorrow, would I be happy with how I lived my life?” The painful but evident answer was no, and so a journey of change began. I had no answer, no destination. I just knew that I wanted to feel more alive, and be able to eventually answer “yes” to my question.
In my search I eventually stumbled on a video from Marathon des Sables. It was a documentary with British rower James Cracknell who did the race in 2010. I knew instantly that this was it. My intuition told me to go and do this event. I had run Marathons since 2002, and I started to run ultras in 2011 in an attempt to go further. I found out that I enjoyed it and was pretty good at it. I did 50km, 50 miles, and 100km in 2011, and then the MDS in 2012.
The experience at Marathon des Sables was fantastic. It was fun, hard, dark, painful, deep, and filled with joy and camaraderie. When I crossed the finish line I knew that something had changed. It was the start of something new. I felt alive.
Winning the Marathon des Sables
The three editions of the Marathon des Sables that I have done since then have all been special in their own right. In 2015 I was the underdog who came from nowhere. The random Swede who suddenly won all the stages. How could it happen? I hardly knew myself. But, I had changed jobs and had some more spare time, and had put in a good block of consistent training. Plus, in the three years since my first edition I gathered more ultra running experience and I trimmed my backpack down substantially. Read more in this interview.
In 2016 I ended up just outside the podium. This was a really hard year for me. I had personal issues to deal with, I was over worked from running a small business, and training and self care had suffered. I felt pressure from sponsors and wasn’t in a good head space, nor as well prepared as I wanted.
I decided to make up for that.
What happened in 2017 was nothing short of magical. I manifested my win six months before the race, and then I left nothing to chance. Every decision I took I asked myself: will this help me win MDS? If the answer was no I didn’t do it. I was the most well prepared I have ever been for anything. In the race itself the magic happened every day. There were different signs, but the universe worked with me to help me win for a second time, and to secure 11th place overall.
The End of Competitive Running
I was planning on returning to the Marathon des Sables in 2020, but as we know the pandemic hit and the race was cancelled, as was pretty much all other races. This period presented another opportunity for me to reflect on life. It helped to provide the calm I needed to tap into my intuition again, and make some important life choices. I decided to hang up my competition shoes and focus on coaching others and on self development. This journey has enriched my life in many ways. Still, every year when my coaching clients have headed off to MDS, I have had an itch that I want to go back some day.
Now the time is right, and I look forward to experiencing the magic of the Sahara once more. What I want to make very clear is that I am not returning to win the race. In fact, I have zero ambitions to be on the podium. I want to spell this out upfront, because I don’t want speculation, guessing, or misinformed opinions.
When you win races some people think you will somehow always win races. As if you are some machine with no off button that never needs a service and that doesn’t age. If this is you then I’m sorry to break the illusion, but it doesn’t work like that. Sure, some ultra runners have very long competitive careers, but this is highly individual. I raced a lot between 2014 and 2019, and it was hard work. I don’t have the appetite anymore to put in the kind of effort that is needed to win. I have done that, and I have nothing to prove. I know what is required to win, and I want to go back to having a more relaxed race experience. In addition to that, eight years will have passed since my last Marathon des Sables, and the female body does inevitably change between 40 and 47. In these years I have been through a period of inexplicable fatigue, and I have taken over a year off from running to heal a meniscus tear without surgery. With ageing my body is responding less predictably to training, meaning that training needs to be more intuitive. That said I am perhaps the happiest I have ever been, and I feel that I have a great balance in life with a lot of meaningful and interesting things going on. I am also truly enjoying supporting my coaching clients.
Why I go back to the Marathon des Sables
When I go back to the MDS in April it is for the joy of adventuring and having a personal challenge. I want to experience the race without the tunnel vision that is necessary for me to be in the winner mode. I don’t want any games or politics. I want to be able to enjoy time with friends and with coaching clients, experience the community, get to know new people, learn something new about myself, and learn something that makes me an even better coach. And of course, just have fun (if subjecting oneself to this type of event can ever be considered “fun”!) The race has also changed in the years that have passed since I did it, and I want to see what it is like now.
For some people the Marathon des Sables is just a race. You go there, you run, and you go home. And there is nothing wrong with that. For others it may be a more profound journey. Life changing insights can only be brought on by powerful enough events. A week in the desert, with your belongings reduced to what fits in your pack, and where focus has to be turned to very basic needs, can be just that. The MDS offers an arena for self discovery if you are brave enough to open your mind to it. You enter the desert one person, and when you come out the other end, something has changed. This experience is one reason why multi-stage races have a special place in my heart, and why I do not need to go there with the objective to be on the podium. Winning is fantastic, but the deeper meaning is not found there. It is found in the experience.
So, after the 2025 edition you may be able to say that you beat the winner of the MDS, haha! And I am fine with that. I will even gladly help you do it if I coach you. Helping others succeed makes me very happy.
Hope to see you in the great sand pit.
